Our Christmas Tree all decorated - Palomar Mountain, CA 2020

“Be a light in the darkness”

- Ancient Wisdom

A Christmas tree has a different symbolic meaning for many people. 

Growing up in Canada it was always exciting for me to peek into the living room on Christmas morning to see what presents we might find under the tree. We always had a real tree with colored lights and lots of ornaments. Along with my brother and sister, we were always up early that morning and eager to rip open the wrapping paper. My parents did an incredible job to make as big a display of gifts as they could afford. 

One thing we could always count on was a new hockey stick and skates. The skates were usually bought at a secondhand sports store and exchanged for last year’s skates as we were growing so quickly. Another staple we could count on was new flannel pajamas, socks, and underwear, and if we were lucky, a toy or two. 

The thrill of receiving gifts and opening up new stuff never got old. I remember going to a small gift shop in the village to buy something for my parents each year and I looked forward to watching their reactions as they opened their present. It was a big deal for me to be able to buy something for them each year. I saved my allowance money, along with money earned from doing odd jobs,

Christmas was also a time where family gathered together to celebrate. We usually went to a Church Choir service late on Christmas Eve and return to our home afterwards, where we were allowed to open just one present. Even though we wanted to, we could not light a fire in the fireplace or Santa Claus would get burned coming down the chimney. We would leave out cookies and milk for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer. I am sure my Dad thoroughly enjoyed the cookies. 

There never seemed to be many presents under the tree on Christmas Eve, yet by some miracle, Santa would arrive after we went to bed, and we would wake up and there would be presents everywhere. Those were some happy times and the Christmas tree for me was symbolic of those good times. 

We always had a real tree, and I loved the smell of it. The tradition of bringing in a fresh pine Christmas tree continued until we traveled to Nigeria when I was eleven. Living near the Sahara Desert meant that there was no traditional Christmas tree for thousands of miles. We innovated and decorated a small palm tree with a string of tiny white lights. Instead of hockey sticks and skates that year, we got tennis rackets, balls, and tennis shoes.

As I grew up and had sons of my own, I kept the tradition going and remember one year driving out into the country with a hand saw where we walked through the deep snow to find the perfect tree. After careful selection we cut it down and dragged it back to the car and took it home. Some years were good financially and others were lean, but we always seemed to manage to have money to buy presents and wrap them, so the boys were not disappointed.

Somewhere along the way I seemed to equate the number of presents under the tree as to how successful a year we had financially. In my late twenties I was so happy and proud to be able to gift my Dad a brand new snow blower. This was something he would never buy for himself. It was also a far cry from the little trinkets I could afford to buy them when I was a kid.

The year I separated from my wife Debbie was a completely different experience of Christmas. She had moved back to Canada with the kids. I was living with Janice in San Diego and there was no snow in sight. Worst of all, we were flat out broke, and I was separated from my children. There was no money for Christmas presents much less a tree. My kids were 3,000 miles away and none of my family were talking with me due to their judgments about me leaving my wife and kids. This was not the Christmas I was used to. I felt like a total failure and totally alone. My saving grace was being with Janice. She was giving me huge amounts of joy, even during this time of pain and chaos in my life.

On Christmas Eve, Janice and I decided to go for a long walk. We happened to walk past an outdoor Christmas tree lot. We lingered outside the fence and longed for a tree of our own to start our new traditions together. But we just did not have any money. 

A nice man, who I suspect was the owner of the lot, came over and asked if he could help us. We thanked him but said we had no money to buy a tree. He looked at us compassionately and told us to go and pick out any tree we wanted - it was his gift to us. Tears welled up in my eyes. There was a Christmas spirit after all. He had no idea what a difference he just made in my life. I do not even know his name, yet he must have sensed that we needed a tree way more than any profit he would have made. 

Since the place we were living in was so small we picked the smallest tree we could find and carried it home. It was truly a “Charlie Brown” tree, but it was just what we needed. Janice’s mother had given us a box of Fannie Mae chocolates from Chicago (our only gift that year), so we wrapped it up and quickly walked back to the tree lot and gave it to the nice man. That was the first year in my life where there were no presents under the tree, and I will never forget it. It was a humbling experience.

I realized that everything I assumed about the relationship between how many gifts were under the tree and how successful a year I had was all made up. The truth was, that year I had no money, but lots of love in my heart from Janice. I realized I did not need a gift from anyone to feel love. At the same time, I never wanted to experience the feeling again of not being able to buy a tree.

Every year as we put up our tree, I remember that one moment at the tree lot and acknowledge how far I have come. It truly was a defining time in my life. I also remember how a compassionate man gave us a tree when we needed it most. We were complete strangers to him. I realize he probably would never have been able to sell it past that night, but his simple gesture made a huge difference in my life and I will never forget it.

With new traditions in place for Christmas each year, we always do something for those less fortunate. Some years we have picked a family in need and been their “Secret Santa”. Other years we have collected items for veterans and delivered them on Christmas. 

A few years ago, we put an announcement in our local newsletter that we were collecting new shoes and socks for veterans. On Christmas eve, my son Tyler, and his fiancé Mandie arrived at our home with 2 dozen pairs of new running shoes they had purchased to donate. The next day we delivered them along with all the generous gifts from our community to a veteran’s transition home.  I was so pleased that Tyler and Mandie had embraced the spirit of “giving back” instead of just looking to see what presents would be waiting for them under the tree. 

I believe that giving back is the true spirit of Christmas.

This year we are celebrating Christmas at our beautiful new retreat on top of Palomar Mountain, just north east of San Diego. Right outside our living room window is a 20 foot tall pine tree – it is a perfect Christmas tree. No need to cut it down, we will just enjoy it from our window. It took a long pole and some creativity to string the lights and it took a while, but I savored every moment. 

As I look at it, all lit up, I reflect on the significance of the Christmas tree and acknowledge how far we have come.

What Insights did I gain from this experience?

• A single act of compassion has the ability to affect a person’s life forever. 

The gift of that small Christmas tree, from a complete stranger, and the compassion that came with it, was a life altering experience for me. Now I look to see how I can continue to pay it forward to others with simple acts of compassion.

• Christmas is not just about how many presents are under the tree. 

Christmas is about sharing love. For me, a Christmas tree is simply a symbol of that love.